What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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