You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
