I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Randomize
