apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think your dad took our porno
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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