He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
