this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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