It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
