I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
vagina is talking i cant
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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