I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
