he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
