that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
