i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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