I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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