hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
