Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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