i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
