man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
