In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
