I need to stop coming to work sober
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
