i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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