My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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