I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
