Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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