Whoa Z and x make the same sound
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
