So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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