i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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