you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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