he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
