wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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