I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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