he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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