1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
