somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
