I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
