Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am mentally ready for anal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
