just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
