my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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