she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
