May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
