Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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