Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
