He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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