I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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