he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
