Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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