ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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