I wish I could teleport
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
