Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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