And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
