I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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