I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
