Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
