is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
